Allison's Private Journal

March 22, 2003

Dear Journal,

I am officially going out with Dan M.! So this is my first real boyfriend in what, 2 years? Wow pretty sad, but that’s OK. I just talked to him like 5 minutes ago on the phone. I was a little skeptical at first, because just this weekend he’s gone out or asked out 3 dif girls! SO I told him he kinda seemed like a player, but he laughed and was like no way! HE had a pretty decent explaination, especially about how he def doesn’t like Nina anymore (gave up since it was only a 1-way deal). So I asked if that would be the case if we went out, and he was like believe me, it won’t be a 1-day thing. :) Ya, this is good. I told him I might feel a little weird in math, but he brought up a good point–it really won’t be a lot different. The only thing changing is that it’s official, we’re usually just having fun together. Now we just can go out together and get some action! hehe (but I won’t be easy ;) )

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Spoiler alert: this relationship was NOT a 1-day thing–it was a 4-day thing. Oh, Little Allison. How I’ve missed you. It’s been a long, long time since I’ve posted on APJ, so let’s paint the scene. Little A is slowly but surely growing into Adult Ali, who we all know was only able to adapt her naive nature to this cruel world over the course of many years and heartbreaks. She is nearing the end of 8th grade, has recently been accepted to college preparatory school, and is on the hunt for her first kiss. This milestone was narrowly missed when her mother ripped her away from Soulmate Tom, the mohawk-rocking punk junior in high school she so desperately pined for during a 4-day cruise in February. She’s also got a pallet expander in her mouth, which is slowly but surely pushing apart her top molars and keeping her food-loving self away from the table. It is the first time in Little A’s life that eating is not a go-to comfort activity. This, as you can imagine, has incurred rapid weight loss that is quickly gaining positive attention as she blossoms from a hungry caterpillar into the beautiful butterfly she’s always known she is. All around life is good, and Little Allison is ready to hit the important teenage goal of making out.

Enter Dan M. Let’s talk about Little Allison’s choices here. There’s clearly not a lot of thought besides “I like this guy and I want a boyfriend/my first kiss/’action'” going on inside that obviously not peanut-sized brain of hers. She is not only skeptical of his previous relationship, but also knows she’s the fourth (fourth!!!!) girl he’s asked out in days. This guy is blatantly trolling for ass. But, in a tamer light, this is all Little Allison wants too. Or is it? I certainly don’t believe I, or any girl besides a very few on this planet, ESPECIALLY in high school or middle school, enter relationships for the nookie (please keep in mind any type of “action” in 8th grade Allison’s mind means kissing; thanks to CCD and very forward parental instruction, she does not consider anything below the belt, or under any clothes for that matter, to be acceptable for her 13-year-old self). We’ll go at this as if Little A thinks this could be something good, as she says. Well, I’m not too sure where to go with that. Good luck, dumbass? You’re lucky all he did was rape your mouth with his tongue the next day? Little Allison has set herself up for failure, and, unfortunately, this didn’t provide the lasting moment of clarity I wish it had at the time.

It should be crystal clear to girls that what a guy tells you means dick unless he shows you those sentiments in action. This young man was all talk. “You seem like kind of a player (giggle giggle).” “Hahaha (slaps knee), no way! (smiles and touches Little Allison’s cheek)” “Ok, I’ll be your girlfriend.” Game over. There’s a lot more process that needs to go into evaluating dudes for your affections, but this integral part of the plan is crucial. Don’t be that girl who’s won over by talk when reality is laughing in your face. I’ve been that girl, clearly, and I’ve been that girl enough times for me to lose a little respect for myself every time I think about it. Talk is talk. Dreams are dreams. I apologize for the cliche, but it is completely true that we are what we do, not what we think or what we want. Know that this is true of not just ourselves but even more so of other people.

I used to think my problem was that I’m too trustworthy, but I’ve learned that being trustworthy is not a problem when you see others in an honest light. Little Allison demonstrates here how easy–SO easy–it can be to be blinded by desire for someone or something. Oh, I’m the fourth girl you’ve asked out this week? Oh, you’re kind of ditching out on your current girlfriend for no reason who you just asked out yesterday? By the way, what is a 1-way deal in 8th grade terms? Oh, never mind, fuck it, I want that first kiss dammit! Sometimes we’re not even sure what our best interests are, and this is a problem in itself. But other times in life (READ: times when it is actually okay to explore relationships) we do know what our best interests are and choose to engage in relationships, activities, or what have you simply because other desires outweigh the need for what’s really good. I know it’s hard. I know sometimes this is impossible. But being strong for yourself is the most important thing you can ever do in life–you’re all you’ve got in the end! So ladies, and gentlemen, no matter how bad you want your first kisses, make sure your smooching partner is void of clear issues that may affect you–visible herpes included. If you want something so terribly, you are sure to find it with someone who better suits you, or in a place that makes more sense, or at a time that works without neglecting other important parts of life. Of course you can take my advice, or do what I’ve done so frequently in life: jump head first and build your unlimited wealth of material. Both routes certainly have their perks.